I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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