I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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