Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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