Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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