I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
