I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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