I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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