Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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