I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So vagazzling was a success
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
