Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
