sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
