I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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