I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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