operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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