Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
