I have demons in me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
