i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
