she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
