the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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