She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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