In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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