I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize