God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
