Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
