Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
