I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
