His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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