i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh god it's open bar.
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