i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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