Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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