Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
