"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
