I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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