I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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