the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
