put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
