End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's always time for handjobs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
