sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need to calm my uterus...
and you fell through a lawn chair
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
