Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i think i just lost a toe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
