ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..