I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.