where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.