FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why are your pants in the freezer?