How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.