i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"