Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
