the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
