Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Every concussion has its silver lining
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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