so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Couch. On fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
