oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
