Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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