I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
