We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
