He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
