I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
