I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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