and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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