A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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