Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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