she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
