Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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