ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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