Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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