i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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