My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
