Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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