Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
