I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
