Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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