btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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