i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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