I wish my penis had an off switch
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
